Depression and Anxiety
– A Tale of Gratitude
Yola* doesn’t like the word “depression.”
She dismisses it as “feeling down” or claims it’s only her personality. She’s too cynical or sensitive and has heard this all her life and assumed it was impossible to change.
Over time, it did change – it got worse. Depression was like a lead blanket Yola couldn’t shake off. She felt sad for no reason and lost interest in what she used to enjoy.
She said ugly things to herself, things she wouldn’t say to an enemy. Soon, depression was her full-time companion.
Depression is a bitch. For our purposes, let’s call her Dee.
Depression was Yola’s constant companion.
Depression makes you feel bad for feeling bad, and that’s what Dee did to Yola. Dee told Yola that she was ungrateful because other people had it so much worse, and she didn’t appreciate her many blessings.
Dee warned Yola that if she didn’t cheer up, God would give her something to cry about for real. Sometimes, Dee sounded like her church-lady Aunt with the bowl of ribbon candy you weren’t allowed to touch.
Yola tried different ways to change her mood. She self-medicated with drugs, alcohol, food, online shopping sprees – you name it. But she knew it wasn’t the answer, and it made her feel worse about herself than before.
Those little lies Dee told kept Yola stuck.
The funny thing about depression is that it keeps you stuck. In Yola’s case, she couldn’t motivate herself to do what she knew would help – like talking to someone, eating healthy, spending time with friends, and taking a walk.
Dee was always in Yola’s ear, telling her she was foolish to think anything would change. She doubled down with an ominous warning about bad things that would happen if Yola even tried.
Sometimes, Yola went out with her friends when it was unavoidable. When she came home, Dee was waiting to pounce. The cute barista who flirted with Yola? Duh, it’s their job to be friendly. Dee reminded Yola that the amazing entrée was farm-raised fish loaded with toxins and parasites.
One night, Yola went out, and a new fear gripped her. It was like a fire alarm going off in her brain, telling her something terrible might happen to her. The bridge might collapse when she was driving over it. The people she thought of as friends were talking about her and judging her behind her back.
Then came Annie.
Her thoughts came faster and uglier, and soon her mind was spinning. Her hands shook, her heart hammered, and breathing became difficult. Something was very wrong. But what?
Yola hurried home like someone was chasing her. The one after her was Anxiety – we’ll call her Annie. Annie is a friend of Dee’s and a major shit-stirring drama queen.
Dee and Annie moved in with Yola and became Yola’s roommates and jailers. They were horrible but familiar – and so controlling! They didn’t want Yola going out without them. They didn’t want Yola going out at all.
Yola’s real friends knew something was wrong. They’d try to make plans, but Dee or Annie would grab the phone and make excuses. They’d say Yola was busy, under the weather, or had fabulous plans elsewhere. With every excuse, Yola felt more fraudulent and unworthy.
Yola’s life got smaller and darker.
Dee and Annie were a vicious tag team. For instance, when the barista asked Yola out, Dee told her to expect rejection because she was a hot mess inside. Annie followed up with a warning about dating being a leading cause of death among women.
One night, in desperation, Yola locked herself in her bedroom and reached out to a therapist. Her shitty roommates were doing their usual.
Dee was in the kitchen, spreading chocolate frosting on a Triscuit, and Annie remained glued to one of her murder shows. Anxiety thrives on stories of women dying gruesome deaths.
Meanwhile, Yola was meeting with the new therapist.
The therapist was easy to talk to about Yola’s feelings. Even though Yola didn’t know where to start, the therapist asked some questions, and soon the words poured out. Saying “depression” and “anxiety” was hard – it sounded so dramatic and official – but the therapist made it okay because they would be working on a solution.
The therapist asked a funny question: “Can you imagine yourself thanking your depression and anxiety?”
Yola thought that was ridiculous but didn’t say anything. She was used to keeping her opinions to herself. Then, the therapist said, “I bet that sounds ridiculous,” and Yola laughed. It felt so good to laugh that Yola ignored her anxiety when it told her that the therapist was probably laughing AT her.
The therapist told Yola something interesting about the brain – that almost 80% of our thoughts are negative. She explained that this was our brain’s way of protecting us, and it goes back to caveman times (she’s a therapist, not an anthropologist).
When our ancestors heard a sound outside the cave, they reacted as though it were a saber-toothed tiger. It might have been a pussycat or Fred Flintstone, but their brains ensured their survival by jumping to the worst-case scenario. Our circumstances have evolved, but our brains still see predators where there are none.
This little shift in thinking helped Yola a lot.
She wasn’t ready to thank her depression and anxiety, however. But thinking of them as overzealous protectors and not brain commands took away some of their power.
The therapist explained that talk therapy is like turning on the light in the room of her life so that she can see things better. Antidepressants are like eyeglasses if turning on the light isn’t enough. There’s no shame in needing glasses, and if Yola could benefit from medication, there is no shame in that either.
In therapy, Yola opened up about things that hurt her in the past. Talking with her therapist helped her release toxic feelings that she hadn’t realized were weighing her down.
With the therapist’s gentle guidance, Yola became more aware of her inner voice and began speaking to herself in kinder and more supportive language.
Yola learned to manage depression and anxiety.
The therapist showed Yola ways to manage her depression and anxiety. Sometimes that meant behavioral techniques useful in the moment. Other times that meant changing her relationship with Dee and Annie, such as viewing them as fanatic bodyguards instead of messengers of truth.
She liked Yola’s description of her anxiety as a fire alarm going off. The therapist helped Yola build on that image. When Yola began to feel anxious, she learned to visualize herself in the middle of a fire drill – lots of noise but no fire. It gave Yola more control over her anxiety, and soon she could go out without running home in fear.
Talking with the therapist in a safe and judgment-free environment helped Yola become more open with her words, enabling her to reconnect with friends and family. Being around supportive people lets more light into her life.
More light in her life meant Yola could see more clearly the fullness and abundance all around her.
Yola started seeing her life from a new perspective.
When Yola couldn’t see the richness of her world, her therapist helped her find it. She started noticing that when she took one step toward the solution, the solution took two steps toward her.
In time, Yola learned how to use actions to create her moods instead of letting her moods dictate her actions. She began operating from a position of control and positivity and started expecting good things to happen – and learned how to take yes for an answer. She began to recognize her worth, laughing and living more.
Yola fell in love – with her life.
Depression and anxiety are still there, but they’ve lost their influence. Yola developed tools to deal with anxiety and depression and knows what to do when they appear. She says, “thank you,” and they go on their way.
Learn to deal with your anxiety and depression.
Yola learned ways to manage her anxiety and depression, helping her step into the life she deserved.
Let’s work together to help you develop the tools you need to overcome the stranglehold that anxiety and depression have on you.
You deserve to find joy like Yola did. Contact me today!
*Names and stories are composite narratives and do not reflect actual clients.